Simply Queer

On the Road...

2008-06-21T07:45:00.000-07:00

After two days of travelling via car, B & I have finally arrived at our vacation destination. We've both been going through a lot of personal changes over the last few months, and some time to chill out and hang out has been much anticipated.

In order to make the vacation a complete break from our life back home, we are also unplugging ourselves from the internet, so I will be away from the blog until next Friday. I do hope this is ok with you all!

Thanks for all your support in the initial days of this blog's beginnings. It's been so encouraging; I'm so glad to hear that the posts here resonate with your personal journey in some way. Thanks also to those of you who voted for the political debate...I must say I was really surprised by some of the answers!

In order to keep the blog alive and ticking while I'm away, I've put up a poll to get some feedback on the directions in which you would like this blog to go when I return from vacation. You can pick more than one answer, so click away! Of course, polls can only say so much, and if you would like to give even more feedback via comments or e-mail (which is noted on the "About Me" page, I'm all ears!

Thanks again! See you soon!

Show Your Love, Show Your Pride

2008-06-17T04:00:00.000-07:00

This post is Part 5 of a 5 Part series on Showing Your Pride through Simple, Unexpected Ways. Come join the dialogue!

I honestly think that the most important way that we can show our pride is through our love, especially because our love is the heart of our difference. Treating our partners with respect and integrity and having healthy, loving relationships and encounters is an essential foundation to earning respect for our queer lifestyle. There are those who still believe that the queer community is only about living an instable pattern of hyper-sexualized indulgences, and our dedication to loving well and honestly, whether in a monogamous relationship or not, is an essential part of changing that stereotype.

We can also show our love by making small, open gestures of our queer affections. My partner and I are strong believers that showing appropriate public displays of our love, such as holding hands, is an active means to help change people's stereotypes of the queer community. We consistently receive a mix of stares, signs of disgust, or intrigue, and these vivid responses encourages us to continue to engage people's perceptions and misperceptions of what it means to be in love with someone of the same gender. I believe we are also making a sign of solidarity with those of the street who might feel less comfortable to show such similar signs, but clearly show signs of gratitude to us for expressing what they are not currently able to.

Working to make our loving relationship the best possible is the foundation of living out our queer identities with pride. Love is the reason why we are queer in the first place, and showing that love is the best way to show our pride.

Thank you for following me through my sharing of simple, unexpected ways to show your pride. Do you have any further suggestions?

Show Your Care, Show Your Pride

2008-06-16T17:00:00.000-07:00

This post is Part 4 of a 5-part Series on Showing Your Pride through Important yet Unexpected ways! Come join the dialogue!

According the Macleans magazine, the majority of fundamentalist Christians who consider homosexuality to be a sin have never met someone who is a part of the queer community. Clearly, their stereotypes and prejudices are rooted in the fears of the unknown. In this case, any positive interaction that we can have with those who have very little personal experience with the queer community can, and has proven to, make differences in the ways that people view members of the LGBT community, simply because it helps them realize that we are just ordinary people who are fighting for the respect of our love. Considering this, it is important that we show care to those that we encounter, especially if they know or might find out about our orientation, because we don't fully know what point in their journey that they are in accepting members of the queer community.

Caring for others is a fantastic way to demonstrate that we are good people who deserve to have the same rights and respect as everyone else. Raised in a fundamentalist Christian environment myself, I had never met a homosexual myself until I was 19 years old, volunteering at a group home for people with disabilities, which also happened to be a haven for members of the queer community. This encounter with wonderful, caring people really challenged the stereotypes that I had been raised to hold against the gay community and, inadvertedly, provided me with a safe place to begin questioning my own sexuality. When I was to later come out to my parents, it was their positive, personal encounters with other caring members of the queer community which made (and is making) their journey towards accepting me much easier for them.

Volunteer work is a really great way to give back to others and it provides the opportunity to meet people who might not otherwise be in your circle of aquaintence, extending the possibility of transforming stereotypes of our community for those who might not be personally acquainted with members of the queer community. In every encounter that we have with others, it is important that we share our ability and desire to positively contribute to our communities, both within and without our circle of pride.

Even within our own community, there are many opportunities to show our pride through our care. According to the fantastic documentary, For the Bible Tells Me So, gay and lesbian teenagers are three to seven times more likely to commit suicide, and each suicide represents twenty-one attempts. Members of our community, especially those who are still teenagers, are in desperate need of our care, and an important way of sharing our pride is through volunteering or financially supporting organizations which are there to support LGBT members in need of care.

Do you have any examples of how care transformed stereotypes or worked as a means of showing pride?

Show Your Unity, Show Your Pride

2008-06-16T04:00:00.000-07:00

This post is Part 3 in a 5-part series on Showing Your Pride through Unexpected, yet Important Means. Join the dialogue!!

In times when we still have an upward legal battle to face, and when daily, worldwide prejudice still abounds, the LGBT community needs to stand together. It is really easy for us to corner off into our L, G, B, or T circles, or sequester ourselves by our race, religion, class, citizenship or degree of comfort with our sexual orientation, but one of the most important, and simple, ways that we can show our pride is through our support of each other.

Especially during pride month, when parades and celebrations are occuring round the globe, this is a time to stand with people who, on all other levels, appear to be very different from ourselves, but who, like us, are fighting for the rights and respect of the LGBT community.

Our means of fighting are inevitably going to be very different, and one way that we can show unity is recognize that everyone's pride is going to shine in it's own unique way. Some people are simply not ready (for emotional, financial, or other reasons) to come out to their parents or their workplace, but their online or other, more quiet presences still need to be supported and honoured. Others may feel compelled to show their LGBT pride through much more overt displays, and as long as the celebration is respectful and non-violent, I think that we need to be supportive of everyone who is finding a way to show their pride. Criticizing people in our community for the ways that they show their pride creates a harmful division, and while we may not agree with other means of expressing what it means to be a part of the LGBT community, we need to recognize that our community is founded upon a celebration of difference, and respect others as we would wish to be respected for our own displays of pride.

We are a very diverse group of people, but we are a group, and our strength has been and always will be in our standing up for each other. For those of us within the LGBT community who still struggle, on any number of levels, with holding a certain degree of culturally-infused homophobia, it may be hard to accept an expression of pride that is outside of the comfort zone of how we might define or describe ourselves. This difficulty of accepting others because of the lack of self-acceptance demonstrates that one of the most important ways of sharing prideful solidarity is, in fact, to accept oneself.

Now for story time: This past weekend, my partner and I went to a fantastic, small concert in East Vancouver (www.myspace.com/eslband), and the majority of the people in the audience were clearly queer or queer-loving folks. We flocked to the venue in all shapes and sizes, and even though it wasn't explicitly a queer event, this place quickly became a space of solidarity and respect for each other, rather than a competitive, clicky and cold situation, as it sometimes can be. B & I seek out spaces such as these, because it makes a difference to our morale, and helps us to feel as though real difference in community can be made even in small moments, such as a band concert.

I would encourage, and urge, you to seek out places within the queer community, whether virtual or in person, which celebrates the differences and diversity that we host within our common quest for respect, and perpetually seek and support unity rather than division.

Show Your Gratitude, Show Your Pride

2008-06-12T19:12:00.000-07:00

This blog is Part 2 in a 5 Part Series on Showing Your Pride through Unexpected but Powerful Means. Come Join the Dialogue!

Like forgiveness, gratefulness is another unexpected way to show how proud you are to be a part of the queer community. Especially in these recent days when a few laws have been passed in our favour, this is the time to show our gratitude to those who have stood up for our lifestyle and our rights. We have a lot of people rooting for us, and these folks deserve real recognition. It's undeniably easier to focus on those who treat us unfairly, but this is only part of the story. Showing gratitude to those who deserve it will help them realize how much it means to those in the queer community for their support.

Showing gratefulness is an act which takes very little time, but carries a very big impact. Going out of your way to say thank you is something that so few people do in our culture today, that your gratitude will stand out, in whatever form that you show it. Whether it's through a phone call, an e-mail, a letter or a bouquet of flowers, gratitude is a simple action which carries a lot of weight. In the one-time tradition of sharing a story along with this series, here's an example from best-selling author David Bach on the power of showing thankfulness in your personal interactions:

"three years ago I started sending [my lawyer, my accountant, my doctor, my haircutter, the mechanic who looks after my car--the list goes on and on] thank-you notes and in some cases a gift basket at Christmas. The first time I did this, my doctor called me personally to say 'thank you.' Guess what? Even though my doctor is routinely booked up three months in advance, I never have to wait for an appointment anymore. I just seem to get right in. My car mechanic framed my thank-you letter and posted it on the wall of his waiting room. My accountant seemed to find more deductions the next year.

I'm not kidding. Because of my small gifts and notes, my relationship with all these professionals is now different. They remember me because I made a small gesture to say 'thank you.' Try it. Our parents were right: Saying 'thank you' goes a long way."

Even in matters that aren't explicitly queered, it makes a huge difference to show how much you appreciate what others do for you. People who feel appreciated want to provide you with more assistance, because they know their efforts do not go unnoticed.

Whether it's going out of your way to thank your waiter for their exceptional service or sending your brother for supporting you when you came out to your parents, extending your thanks to those around you is a small, but significant way to show your pride!

photo courtesy of The Alienness GiselaGiardino's photostream

Show your Forgiveness, Show your Pride

2008-06-12T02:00:00.000-07:00

This post is a part 1 of a 5 part series on Showing Your Pride through Simple, Unexpected Ways. Enjoy!

I'm a really strong believer that some of the best forms of activism are those which transform negative stereotypes through positive personal interactions. Many homophobic people have completely incorrect perceptions of the queer community: always angry, always in-your-face, always innappropriate. While there are certainly times to show anger and firmly stand up for our rights, there are also times to show gentility and forgiveness.

I remember hearing a story once about a Vancouver gay man in the pride parade who had manure thrown at him by city transit workers, of all people, who had come to parade with a wheelbarrow full of manure. The next year, he walked in the parade again, this time with a wheelbarrow filled with flowers, which he handed out to people as he passed by. This action must have taken a lot of inner strength and courage, and is one that makes me proud to be a part of the same community as him.

I'm certain that each of us have at least one experience of an emotionally and maybe even physically harming discrimination, and while our society's frequent hate acts are something to be angry and deeply disturbed about, let us also think about ways in which we can begin to forgive those who really don't understand what they are doing.

I recognize that this is a contentious position to hold, and I want to be very clear that I am not condoning acts of discrimination or violence, or saying that we shouldn't stand up for ourselves, but I also think that a movement toward forgiveness is a really powerful, subversive, and unexpected form of activism. When we can't, or choose not to forgive, ultimately, we suffer deeply because of the negative emotions that we are harboring inside of us. Even for our own sake, a movement toward forgiveness can be a very rewarding endeavour.

I believe that forgiveness is not automatic, not is it a one-time deal. Instead, forgiveness is a daily journey, a continual decision to give more than we have received. In the proper time and place, forgiveness can be one of the most powerful forms of activism, of showing our pride. Reacting not from anger, but through a desire to educate and transform negative stereyotyping, can make a really big difference.

Do you have any examples of how showing forgiveness radically altered someone's stereotypes against the queer community? When are there times that not forgiving is ok? How are some really good ways to show forgiveness, and how do we know when it's the right time and place? Join the dialogue!

Simplifying your Life: Tips for Decluttering

2008-06-11T04:00:00.000-07:00

Creating a clear and open space has become really valuable for me in my search for a simple, balanced life. Stuff can hold us in the past or keep us stuck in dreams of the distant future, and regular de-cluttering sessions has helped me to surround myself with only the things which are useful and applicable to my life now, enabling me to more fully embrace the present.

De-cluttering is a journey, which takes a lot more time and emotional energy than one would initially suspect, but it is a really valuable way to clear your literal and metaphorical space in order to live with purpose and clarity.

Here are a few tips which I have found useful in my own journey towards living without clutter:

1. Start Small

Start with one drawer or room. Going through your house can be done on a routine basis, and is a relatively simple part of life if it's done on a small scale. While larger de-cluttering sessions are sometimes in order, if you start small, you will be able to be more intentional. De-cluttering guru Peter Walsh suggests filling 2 garbage bags a day: one for garbage and one for give away. He says that after a week, you will notice a difference and after two weeks, everyone will notice a difference. Even if one day, you just do surface stuff, that's huge! You'll get through everything in due time.

2. Follow Through
It's easy to designate items for charity, Aunt Judy, or to sell at a pawn shop...it's another thing to follow through. I sometimes have boxes that I've planned to give away sitting around for months...and this defeats the purpose of de-cluttering! Sometimes it's valuable to keep an item that you are not sure about getting rid of for a specific period of time, say six months, and then check back to see if you've used it by then. But in most cases, once you've designated an item for a locale other than your home, get it there as soon as possible.

3. Get Rid of Things which are No Longer Pertinent to your Life
We tend to keep things around much longer than they are useful to our lives, and in many cases, this clutter can keep us from living fully in the present. It can be really tough to let go of some things which we have strong emotional ties to, but if these emotions are not positive ones, really question as to why you are still holding onto these objects. Letting go of these sorts of items can be difficult, but incredibly liberating once it's completed!

4. Get Rid of Items that are Unrealistic to your Life Right Now
Another major type of clutter that people tend to keep is that which represents the person we aspire to be: the treadmill which we never use, the basket of clothes two sizes too small, the musical instrument that we never practice. If you really want to give these aspirations a second shot, give yourself a timeline by which you will run again, lose that weight, or play that instrument. It's ok that you spent a lot of money on something that you didn't end up using...this happens to all of us. But keeping that item will probably only make you feel more guilty for that purchase, rather than inspire you to end up using it one day. Be really honest with yourself, and if you can't see yourself using that item in that frame of time, let it go to embrace who you are today, rather than striving to attain something that isn't you right now.

De-cluttering is a journey that I am really passionate about, so I'm sure that I will post again on this topic, but I hope that these ideas will give you a good start to the liberating experience of gaining control of clutter.

photo courtesy of thekitchendesigner.org's photostream

Simplifying Queer Travel

2008-06-10T14:30:00.000-07:00

With summer coming, many of us are planning to vacation in another part of this amazing planet. Travelling queer, whether with a partner or alone, can be an exciting time of exploration, appreciation and respect...or it can sometimes be devastatingly disappointing. These few simple tips can help to make the travelling plans go as smoothly as possible, regardless of whether you're planning on an all-day cruise, trekking through the Amazon, or sipping a cappuccino in Italy.

1. Do your Research
There are some amazing sites out there which work to inform the LGBT community about how to travel, where to travel, what to do while travelling, and they are really worth checking out. Purple Roofs (http://www.purpleroofs.com/) for example is an excellent B&B directory for Queer and Queer Friendly places to stay around the globe.

2. Mix it Up
While I'm totally envious of the chicas who got to check out Dinah Shore this year, travelling to a queer event for every single vacation could lead to missing out on other, amazing travel locales. If you've never been to a LGB or T event, it's totally an adventure to experience at least once, but if you're a regular, perhaps try something different for your next getaway. Travelling is about seeing new sights and stepping outside your regular routine...so be a little daring for your next vacation and try something new!

3. Volunteer Vacations
Many of us have little time to volunteer on a consistent basis while in our hometowns, but a little time off can fulfill both the need to have a getaway, and the desire to lend a helping hand. Initiatives such as Habitat for Humanity are very well set-up to host out-of-town volunteers for a short period of time, and there are numerous other organizations around the world who run their humanitarian aid primarily through short-term visiting volunteers.

Not only is this a great way to feel refreshed from your old routine, but volunteer vacations are usually, though not always, much cheaper than going the typical tourist route, and often you will get to hang out with the locals and get to know a place more intimately.

While I've been on such adventures myself in Ukraine and Los Angeles, this is something that we've been planning on doing together for some time now, so if any of you have been on a volunteer vacation, your suggestions would be very welcome.

4. Be Respectful of Other Cultures
This should go without saying, but unfortunately the entire planet isn't as queer friendly as my hometown, Vancouver, and it's sometimes hard to forget this while travelling. Often, people feel far more liberated and free when away from home, but for those of us on the queer side of life, we need to make sure that we don't throw caution entirely to the wind, especially if we are travelling to a country that does not legally respect homosexuality. Do a quick online search to find the level of queer friendliness before you lavishly exhibit your pride...and if it's all good, then it's all good.

5. Local Pride
B & I have had some really great times visiting local pride community meetings and gatherings while away on vacation. Sometimes it can be hard to connect with others while travelling, and checking out a local pride event can be one of the best ways! So, don't be shy, and drop by the local pride basket-weaving session to say hello, and maybe pick up some tips on the best places to see in the neighbourhood while you're at it.

These are just a few thoughts to help make you travels less stressful, more enjoyable, and, of course, more queer friendly. Any other suggestions would be very welcome!

photo courtesy of coffee monster's photostream

Wealth: A Number Figure or a Matter of Values?

2008-06-10T01:00:00.000-07:00

Whether we like it or not, our relationship with life is integrally affected by our relationship with money. Dedicating time to learn about the world of money will never be wasted. This year, my goal has been to learn about the world of money and make some tangible differences in the way I conduct my personal finances. It takes time to make changes, and I know the foundation of knowledge that I am building this year will positively help me for years to come. I am a regular reader of websites such as Queercents (http://www.queercents.com/) and Gay Executive (http://www.gayexecutive.com/), which are specifically designed for the LGBT community to be well aware of the unique position our lifestyle makes in relation to money matters.

In the many money resources I've encountered, a unique perspective keeps emerging; one's life values directly affects the way he or she earns, saves, and spends money. David Bach's popular personal finance books (which briefly acknowledge same-sax couples in Smart Couples Finish Rich) devotes a substantial amount of time to helping their readers develop a strong sense of personal values and goals and Suze Orman (who has recently acknowledged her lesbian relationship with "KT") consistently writes about the habits of wealthy people, such as generosity, cleanliness, de-cluttered homes....most of which we would not necessarily associate with amassing income.

This emphasis on values and life-habits rather than simply personal finance habits had made me start to think about what wealth is all about. Is it about accumulating money, or is the search for wealth a larger, more holistic journey? What does it mean to be rich? Is an "aura" or healthy perspective towards wealth more powerful than a dollar amount? And how might this intersection of values and money affect those of us on the queer side of life?

Any thoughts?

photo courtesy of Tracy O's photostream

Simple Ways to Be a Queer Activist

2008-06-09T06:00:00.000-07:00

I am really fortunate to live in a city where my queerness is vibrantly accepted, at least more so than most places in the world. It is not uncommon to pass by many open expressions of queerness on a daily basis, and my girlfriend and I feel really comfortable holding hands here in Vancouver.

For many diverse reasons, there are many of us who are not as comfortable as others wearing our pride on our sleeve. For example, in certain other cities around the globe, my girl and I often choose to keep our hands to ourselves in public for safety reasons. I adore and am so appreciative for the many unashamed members of the queer community, but for the simple, introverted sides of us, here's a list of ways in which we can share our sense of community, while keeping our Rainbow Brite outfit safely in our closet:

1. Donate to Queer-Friendly Charities
One of the most silent, but highly important, ways to support the community is through financial support of queer initiatives. As always, make sure that the charity your are supporting is legit; ask to review their financial statements before commiting dollars of your own.

2. Support Local Businesses Run by Queer Owners
There are a number of businesses worldwide which support a queer lifestyle, and they are easy to find thanks to internet resources. You can easily find a number of queer-friendly businesses to support by checking out the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce (www.nglcc.org/ht/d/Memdir/pid/5038), which runs a list of LGBT owned and friendly businesses in North America.

3. Write Letters to Businesses and Members of Government
The social freedoms which queer people have, limited as they may be, are almost all thanks to the generations of people who made an active political stance for LGBT lifestyles. While picketing and marches are important activities which have made real differences, the simple act of writing a letter or e-mail to those in political authority can make a substantial political impact. If an event occurs in your community which ruffles your queer-aware feathers, grab a pen and paper and speak your mind.

4. Know Who You Are Voting For
Do your research and vote! Support politicians who are committed to make a positive difference for the LGBT and other marginalized communities. Even for those of us who are especially shy about showing our rainbow stripes in public, the private act of voting makes a big public impact!

5. Affirm Others, Especially Strangers, Who Are Openly Queer
A couple summers ago, my girl and I were strolling hand-in-hand in Notting Hill, London, and a older gentleman in called out: "Girls holding hands. Never let go! Never let go!" Such seemingly small gestures of warmth from a complete stranger goes a long way in making people feel comfortable expressing their lifestyle in public. Next time you see a queer couple, don't be shy about showing them your pearly whites in affirmation!

Do you have any other suggestions for simple activism?

photo courtesy of circo de invierno~'s photostream

How to Artfully Resolve a Family Fight

2008-06-06T15:21:00.000-07:00

For those of us on the queer side of life, we tend to have to address family tensions more directly than our straight counterparts. Whether the issue is related to being queer or not, feuding with the folks can be very stressful and emotionally taxing. Many past issues can come up over a little fight, and years of hurt can be felt in an instant. Families that fight constantly often result in broken trust and sometimes, in long separations.

Some families never fight, however, this is not always a sign that everything is going swell, but sometimes just the opposite. Regardless of the unique dynamic in which you have been raised, healthy families fights can be really important in order to establish boundaries and learning to respect each others differences, especially in times of transition and change. Fighting well is truly an art, and from my personal experience, I can honestly say that, while sometimes time consuming, it's really worth the added effort to try to fight well. Indeed, artful family fighting can resolve a lot of issues, simplifying your emotional life and making it much more enjoyable to hang out with your clan.

While advice on learning how to fight well could fill much more than a simple blog entry and is different for each individual situation, here's a start in that direction:

In learning to fight well, it is absolutely necessary to know where you stand on a particular issue and how far you are willing to compromise your position. If you come to the table just to duke it out with your folks, there is going to be no movement towards deeper understanding or resolution. As early as possible in the situation, try to find their bottom line as well: where they stand on the issue and/or what they want. If each position can be clearly outlined, this is a really great start toward finding a workable solution.

It is also important to remember that, often, a fight brings up tension about many other issues, and taking time to reflect on any other reasons that you are upset (or other reasons why they might be upset) can lead to really valuable self-growth and awareness. Be willing to admit that there are other issues at hand; an artist in fighting knows that vulnerability and openness is truly a strength, not a weakness.

Respect is always the bottom line for the artful fighter, and this goes both ways. If you do not feel respected in the way in which you are being addressed, stop the fight immediately and refuse to resume until the argument can be conducted in a respectful manner. Cutting people off at the knees is entirely counter-productive when it comes to artful fighting.

There are times that, even when everything is done right, a fight will remain unresolved. Recognize that some issues, especially when they run really deeply, take a lot of time to find the light of resolution. Time (and space) can do wonders, and creating some (mental or physical) distance is often a healthy step, and can help to avoid hurting each other by fighting in the heat of the moment. My parents live across the country, and because we don't see each other very often, a number of things which might have been considered big points of tension are no longer even an issue. While moving far away is not always necessary, it has really helped me appreciate the time that I do spend with my family, and that fighting about certain issues is not always worth taking up the valuable few times we do share together. Gratitude is a wonderful diversion to unhealthy fighting, and taking time to recognize how valuable these people are in your life will change the way that you fight with them.

photo courtesy of Aislinn Ritchie

Simplifying your To-Do List

2008-06-05T13:19:00.000-07:00

There are times when our to-do lists seem to stand in direct contradiction to our desire for a simple and peaceful life. Living simply can sometimes mean that there are many important things in your life which need to be accomplished in a timely fashion. Unfortunately, these things can end up standing in the way of living out our important life values. . .if we let them.

Here are a few ideas to consider the next time your t0-do list seems to be running your reality:

1. Write it down.
Before you do anything else, take a deep breath, sit down with a piece of paper and a pen (a warm cup of tea is also helpful!) and write down your to-do list. There are many productivity tips and websites out there, and the bottom line for each of them always begins with writing things down. When you see your t0-do list on paper, you can get a better sense of what your expectations are for the day, and also achieve a greater distance from the emotional anxieties that you may have attached to each task. Also, when you complete a task, or decide that it is not actually that necessary to accomplish, cross it out. As simple as it sounds, visually seeing this on the page will make you feel calmer and more peaceful about the state of your to-do list.

2. Complete any task that would take 2 minutes or less.
This is a tip from the intricate productivity-driven philosophy of Getting Things Done (GTD), but it really works in helping you breeze through possibly many items on your to-do list. If there are any tasks which will take 2 minutes or less to complete, do them right away. Not only will you get a number of things out of the way, but you will also feel better about the direction your to-do list is going.

3. Focus on the most important tasks.
After you make your way through those smaller tasks, sit back down with your list. Identify the most important tasks (two to five is a good number, depending upon the amount of time that you have to complete the items). Focus on these tasks right now, and reassure yourself that the other, less important tasks will be accomplished in their own, good time. This may also be a good time to think about whether or not every item is actually necessary. If not, cross it out.

4. Make a manageable plan of action.
For each of the few most important tasks that you identify, make sure that each task is manageable and specific, and that you can roughly estimate how long it will take you to do. If your list says "clean out garage" or "make new contacts," there's a more-than-likely chance that you will not feel good about your accomplishments at the end of the day because you've probably set yourself up for a list-load of incompleted tasks. For each of your most important tasks, list one or two things you can do right now to move in the right direction. Breaking down each item into do-able chunks is one of the most important approaches to valuing simplicity in your daily actions.

In the process of breaking down these actions, you may come to the not-so-nice realization that the task is actually much bigger than you imagined. If so, take a deep, long breath and then decide if it is absolutely important to finish that task now, or just to get started in the right direction. If you are working towards a deadline, see if there are ways to get (or give yourself) an extension, whether on part or all of the task. Simplicity often means giving actions the right amount of time to complete the task thoroughly and well.

5. Plan for breaks.
Plan to give yourself breather, whether that be simply 2 minutes of closing your eyes and breathing deeply, taking a walk around the block, or deciding to take the evening off work. Productivity studies consistently confirm that people who give themselves time to relax can approach their workload more efficiently, focused, and calmly.

6. Re-evaluate your to-do list.
From time to time, it is important to evaluate our to-do lists on a deeper level than simply what can get done when and how. In order to live a balanced life, we need to work toward having our to-do lists and actions reflect our values for living. Often, we try to accomplish too much because we try to work our way to feeling valued and appreciated. Or sometimes, we clutter our to-do lists as a distraction from the more important things in life: taking time for ourselves and those we love.

The re-evaluation of a to-do list takes time and can sometimes be a difficult process of self-examination, but if you ask yourself "why do I think this task needs to be accomplished?" your life actions will move toward being more in harmony with your life values.

photo courtesy of aaron geller