On the Road...

After two days of travelling via car, B & I have finally arrived at our vacation destination. We've both been going through a lot of personal changes over the last few months, and some time to chill out and hang out has been much anticipated.

In order to make the vacation a complete break from our life back home, we are also unplugging ourselves from the internet, so I will be away from the blog until next Friday. I do hope this is ok with you all!

Thanks for all your support in the initial days of this blog's beginnings. It's been so encouraging; I'm so glad to hear that the posts here resonate with your personal journey in some way. Thanks also to those of you who voted for the political debate...I must say I was really surprised by some of the answers!

In order to keep the blog alive and ticking while I'm away, I've put up a poll to get some feedback on the directions in which you would like this blog to go when I return from vacation. You can pick more than one answer, so click away! Of course, polls can only say so much, and if you would like to give even more feedback via comments or e-mail (which is noted on the "About Me" page, I'm all ears!

Thanks again! See you soon!

Show Your Love, Show Your Pride

This post is Part 5 of a 5 Part series on Showing Your Pride through Simple, Unexpected Ways. Come join the dialogue!

I honestly think that the most important way that we can show our pride is through our love, especially because our love is the heart of our difference. Treating our partners with respect and integrity and having healthy, loving relationships and encounters is an essential foundation to earning respect for our queer lifestyle. There are those who still believe that the queer community is only about living an instable pattern of hyper-sexualized indulgences, and our dedication to loving well and honestly, whether in a monogamous relationship or not, is an essential part of changing that stereotype.

We can also show our love by making small, open gestures of our queer affections. My partner and I are strong believers that showing appropriate public displays of our love, such as holding hands, is an active means to help change people's stereotypes of the queer community. We consistently receive a mix of stares, signs of disgust, or intrigue, and these vivid responses encourages us to continue to engage people's perceptions and misperceptions of what it means to be in love with someone of the same gender. I believe we are also making a sign of solidarity with those of the street who might feel less comfortable to show such similar signs, but clearly show signs of gratitude to us for expressing what they are not currently able to.

Working to make our loving relationship the best possible is the foundation of living out our queer identities with pride. Love is the reason why we are queer in the first place, and showing that love is the best way to show our pride.

Thank you for following me through my sharing of simple, unexpected ways to show your pride. Do you have any further suggestions?

Show Your Care, Show Your Pride

This post is Part 4 of a 5-part Series on Showing Your Pride through Important yet Unexpected ways! Come join the dialogue!

According the Macleans magazine, the majority of fundamentalist Christians who consider homosexuality to be a sin have never met someone who is a part of the queer community. Clearly, their stereotypes and prejudices are rooted in the fears of the unknown. In this case, any positive interaction that we can have with those who have very little personal experience with the queer community can, and has proven to, make differences in the ways that people view members of the LGBT community, simply because it helps them realize that we are just ordinary people who are fighting for the respect of our love. Considering this, it is important that we show care to those that we encounter, especially if they know or might find out about our orientation, because we don't fully know what point in their journey that they are in accepting members of the queer community.

Caring for others is a fantastic way to demonstrate that we are good people who deserve to have the same rights and respect as everyone else. Raised in a fundamentalist Christian environment myself, I had never met a homosexual myself until I was 19 years old, volunteering at a group home for people with disabilities, which also happened to be a haven for members of the queer community. This encounter with wonderful, caring people really challenged the stereotypes that I had been raised to hold against the gay community and, inadvertedly, provided me with a safe place to begin questioning my own sexuality. When I was to later come out to my parents, it was their positive, personal encounters with other caring members of the queer community which made (and is making) their journey towards accepting me much easier for them.

Volunteer work is a really great way to give back to others and it provides the opportunity to meet people who might not otherwise be in your circle of aquaintence, extending the possibility of transforming stereotypes of our community for those who might not be personally acquainted with members of the queer community. In every encounter that we have with others, it is important that we share our ability and desire to positively contribute to our communities, both within and without our circle of pride.

Even within our own community, there are many opportunities to show our pride through our care. According to the fantastic documentary, For the Bible Tells Me So, gay and lesbian teenagers are three to seven times more likely to commit suicide, and each suicide represents twenty-one attempts. Members of our community, especially those who are still teenagers, are in desperate need of our care, and an important way of sharing our pride is through volunteering or financially supporting organizations which are there to support LGBT members in need of care.

Do you have any examples of how care transformed stereotypes or worked as a means of showing pride?

Show Your Unity, Show Your Pride

This post is Part 3 in a 5-part series on Showing Your Pride through Unexpected, yet Important Means. Join the dialogue!!

In times when we still have an upward legal battle to face, and when daily, worldwide prejudice still abounds, the LGBT community needs to stand together. It is really easy for us to corner off into our L, G, B, or T circles, or sequester ourselves by our race, religion, class, citizenship or degree of comfort with our sexual orientation, but one of the most important, and simple, ways that we can show our pride is through our support of each other.

Especially during pride month, when parades and celebrations are occuring round the globe, this is a time to stand with people who, on all other levels, appear to be very different from ourselves, but who, like us, are fighting for the rights and respect of the LGBT community.

Our means of fighting are inevitably going to be very different, and one way that we can show unity is recognize that everyone's pride is going to shine in it's own unique way. Some people are simply not ready (for emotional, financial, or other reasons) to come out to their parents or their workplace, but their online or other, more quiet presences still need to be supported and honoured. Others may feel compelled to show their LGBT pride through much more overt displays, and as long as the celebration is respectful and non-violent, I think that we need to be supportive of everyone who is finding a way to show their pride. Criticizing people in our community for the ways that they show their pride creates a harmful division, and while we may not agree with other means of expressing what it means to be a part of the LGBT community, we need to recognize that our community is founded upon a celebration of difference, and respect others as we would wish to be respected for our own displays of pride.

We are a very diverse group of people, but we are a group, and our strength has been and always will be in our standing up for each other. For those of us within the LGBT community who still struggle, on any number of levels, with holding a certain degree of culturally-infused homophobia, it may be hard to accept an expression of pride that is outside of the comfort zone of how we might define or describe ourselves. This difficulty of accepting others because of the lack of self-acceptance demonstrates that one of the most important ways of sharing prideful solidarity is, in fact, to accept oneself.

Now for story time: This past weekend, my partner and I went to a fantastic, small concert in East Vancouver (www.myspace.com/eslband), and the majority of the people in the audience were clearly queer or queer-loving folks. We flocked to the venue in all shapes and sizes, and even though it wasn't explicitly a queer event, this place quickly became a space of solidarity and respect for each other, rather than a competitive, clicky and cold situation, as it sometimes can be. B & I seek out spaces such as these, because it makes a difference to our morale, and helps us to feel as though real difference in community can be made even in small moments, such as a band concert.

I would encourage, and urge, you to seek out places within the queer community, whether virtual or in person, which celebrates the differences and diversity that we host within our common quest for respect, and perpetually seek and support unity rather than division.

Show Your Gratitude, Show Your Pride

This blog is Part 2 in a 5 Part Series on Showing Your Pride through Unexpected but Powerful Means. Come Join the Dialogue!

Like forgiveness, gratefulness is another unexpected way to show how proud you are to be a part of the queer community. Especially in these recent days when a few laws have been passed in our favour, this is the time to show our gratitude to those who have stood up for our lifestyle and our rights. We have a lot of people rooting for us, and these folks deserve real recognition. It's undeniably easier to focus on those who treat us unfairly, but this is only part of the story. Showing gratitude to those who deserve it will help them realize how much it means to those in the queer community for their support.

Showing gratefulness is an act which takes very little time, but carries a very big impact. Going out of your way to say thank you is something that so few people do in our culture today, that your gratitude will stand out, in whatever form that you show it. Whether it's through a phone call, an e-mail, a letter or a bouquet of flowers, gratitude is a simple action which carries a lot of weight. In the one-time tradition of sharing a story along with this series, here's an example from best-selling author David Bach on the power of showing thankfulness in your personal interactions:

"three years ago I started sending [my lawyer, my accountant, my doctor, my haircutter, the mechanic who looks after my car--the list goes on and on] thank-you notes and in some cases a gift basket at Christmas. The first time I did this, my doctor called me personally to say 'thank you.' Guess what? Even though my doctor is routinely booked up three months in advance, I never have to wait for an appointment anymore. I just seem to get right in. My car mechanic framed my thank-you letter and posted it on the wall of his waiting room. My accountant seemed to find more deductions the next year.

I'm not kidding. Because of my small gifts and notes, my relationship with all these professionals is now different. They remember me because I made a small gesture to say 'thank you.' Try it. Our parents were right: Saying 'thank you' goes a long way."

Even in matters that aren't explicitly queered, it makes a huge difference to show how much you appreciate what others do for you. People who feel appreciated want to provide you with more assistance, because they know their efforts do not go unnoticed.

Whether it's going out of your way to thank your waiter for their exceptional service or sending your brother for supporting you when you came out to your parents, extending your thanks to those around you is a small, but significant way to show your pride!

photo courtesy of The Alienness GiselaGiardino's photostream

Show your Forgiveness, Show your Pride

This post is a part 1 of a 5 part series on Showing Your Pride through Simple, Unexpected Ways. Enjoy!

I'm a really strong believer that some of the best forms of activism are those which transform negative stereotypes through positive personal interactions. Many homophobic people have completely incorrect perceptions of the queer community: always angry, always in-your-face, always innappropriate. While there are certainly times to show anger and firmly stand up for our rights, there are also times to show gentility and forgiveness.

I remember hearing a story once about a Vancouver gay man in the pride parade who had manure thrown at him by city transit workers, of all people, who had come to parade with a wheelbarrow full of manure. The next year, he walked in the parade again, this time with a wheelbarrow filled with flowers, which he handed out to people as he passed by. This action must have taken a lot of inner strength and courage, and is one that makes me proud to be a part of the same community as him.

I'm certain that each of us have at least one experience of an emotionally and maybe even physically harming discrimination, and while our society's frequent hate acts are something to be angry and deeply disturbed about, let us also think about ways in which we can begin to forgive those who really don't understand what they are doing.

I recognize that this is a contentious position to hold, and I want to be very clear that I am not condoning acts of discrimination or violence, or saying that we shouldn't stand up for ourselves, but I also think that a movement toward forgiveness is a really powerful, subversive, and unexpected form of activism. When we can't, or choose not to forgive, ultimately, we suffer deeply because of the negative emotions that we are harboring inside of us. Even for our own sake, a movement toward forgiveness can be a very rewarding endeavour.

I believe that forgiveness is not automatic, not is it a one-time deal. Instead, forgiveness is a daily journey, a continual decision to give more than we have received. In the proper time and place, forgiveness can be one of the most powerful forms of activism, of showing our pride. Reacting not from anger, but through a desire to educate and transform negative stereyotyping, can make a really big difference.

Do you have any examples of how showing forgiveness radically altered someone's stereotypes against the queer community? When are there times that not forgiving is ok? How are some really good ways to show forgiveness, and how do we know when it's the right time and place? Join the dialogue!

Simplifying your Life: Tips for Decluttering

Creating a clear and open space has become really valuable for me in my search for a simple, balanced life. Stuff can hold us in the past or keep us stuck in dreams of the distant future, and regular de-cluttering sessions has helped me to surround myself with only the things which are useful and applicable to my life now, enabling me to more fully embrace the present.

De-cluttering is a journey, which takes a lot more time and emotional energy than one would initially suspect, but it is a really valuable way to clear your literal and metaphorical space in order to live with purpose and clarity.

Here are a few tips which I have found useful in my own journey towards living without clutter:

1. Start Small

Start with one drawer or room. Going through your house can be done on a routine basis, and is a relatively simple part of life if it's done on a small scale. While larger de-cluttering sessions are sometimes in order, if you start small, you will be able to be more intentional. De-cluttering guru Peter Walsh suggests filling 2 garbage bags a day: one for garbage and one for give away. He says that after a week, you will notice a difference and after two weeks, everyone will notice a difference. Even if one day, you just do surface stuff, that's huge! You'll get through everything in due time.

2. Follow Through
It's easy to designate items for charity, Aunt Judy, or to sell at a pawn shop...it's another thing to follow through. I sometimes have boxes that I've planned to give away sitting around for months...and this defeats the purpose of de-cluttering! Sometimes it's valuable to keep an item that you are not sure about getting rid of for a specific period of time, say six months, and then check back to see if you've used it by then. But in most cases, once you've designated an item for a locale other than your home, get it there as soon as possible.

3. Get Rid of Things which are No Longer Pertinent to your Life
We tend to keep things around much longer than they are useful to our lives, and in many cases, this clutter can keep us from living fully in the present. It can be really tough to let go of some things which we have strong emotional ties to, but if these emotions are not positive ones, really question as to why you are still holding onto these objects. Letting go of these sorts of items can be difficult, but incredibly liberating once it's completed!

4. Get Rid of Items that are Unrealistic to your Life Right Now
Another major type of clutter that people tend to keep is that which represents the person we aspire to be: the treadmill which we never use, the basket of clothes two sizes too small, the musical instrument that we never practice. If you really want to give these aspirations a second shot, give yourself a timeline by which you will run again, lose that weight, or play that instrument. It's ok that you spent a lot of money on something that you didn't end up using...this happens to all of us. But keeping that item will probably only make you feel more guilty for that purchase, rather than inspire you to end up using it one day. Be really honest with yourself, and if you can't see yourself using that item in that frame of time, let it go to embrace who you are today, rather than striving to attain something that isn't you right now.

De-cluttering is a journey that I am really passionate about, so I'm sure that I will post again on this topic, but I hope that these ideas will give you a good start to the liberating experience of gaining control of clutter.

photo courtesy of thekitchendesigner.org's photostream